thoughts abound

वो में थी या कोई और?

2011-04-03T21:24:00.000-04:00

वो एक चंचल लड़की
हिरणी से चलती उछलती
उसकी वो वो उन्मुक्त हंसी
होगी क्या झंकृत कभी
वो में थी या कोई और?

अब तो मन में है चिर उदासी
हर तरफ नीरवता विराजी
हर आत के बाद है सवेरा...कहते सभी
क्या मेरे जीवन में होगी वो सुबह कभी?

देखा था एक सपना
प्यार करने वाला हो कोई अपना
पर कहता है मन तभी...
अरे पगली टूटते हैं सपने सभी

फिर क्यों ऐसी उत्कंठता जो कभी न पूरी हो?
ऐसी अभिलाषा जो सदैव अधूरी हो?
क्या ये ही परिणीती है मेरे अस्तित्व की?
यूँ ही रहेगी मेरी आत्मा रिक्त सी?

आ जाओ, कि तुम्हारी प्रतीक्षा में अभी भी रत हूँ
में चिर विरहणी सी....

Coz You Are There For Me

2010-12-26T22:39:00.003-05:00

Conversations that spills into the quiet of the night

asking "how was your day" and then actually listening

with eyes closed...reaching out with words

soothing and healing....

Talking of this and that and everything under the sun

about laughter...about joy… about pain and tears

and yet listening to what is not being said

Of our deepest fears

The little everyday nothings that mean so much

“What did you cook…What did you eat”?

Letting the voice wash over you

As the hearts beat

The night draws on, and as the heartbeats mingle

The woes and the pains melt away

Goodnights said across the wire

Till the next day….

My First Snow

2008-01-24T17:23:00.001-05:00

It was my first winter
in this foreign land.
I felt like an uprooted tree
into the snow from the sand. (am from Rajasthan)

The night fell early,
the trees were all bare.
It looked as if the end was coming,
no more did God care

Then came the first snow,
Softly…silently…very white.
It settled on the road, on the grass,
nestling in the arms of the trees it sighed.

The world looked totally different,
a quiet magic filled the air.
It looked peaceful and serene
a white blanket everywhere.

I felt strange, almost exhilarated;
All the bare branches and getting dark at three
was just God prepping the world
before He got into his winter spree

Kahani

2007-12-05T13:46:00.000-05:00

Machal gaya Munna us raat
Nahi suni fir usne kisi ki baat
Karne laga voh manmani
Aaj to sunke rahoonga mein koi kahani

Maa tum busy ho office mein har din
Mein karta weekend ka intezaar din gin gin
Aaj Saturday tumhe party mein hai jaana
Kabhi to sunao maa kahani, lori ya koi gana

Bhar aaya maa ka man sun Munne ki baat
Beta hum rahenge tumhare saath hi aaj raat
Aaj mein tumhe sunaoongi wohi kahani
Jo bachpan mein sunati thi mujhe meri nani

god mein lita ke maa papa ne kahani sunai
Munna ko itna khush dekh dono ki aankh bhar aayi
Lets make Saturday family time papa said
they hugged each other with arms wide spread

Coffee.....

2007-11-29T00:09:00.000-05:00

“Just black, no sugar” Zohra turned around. She hadn’t heard this voice in 10 years. Her mind went back to when she had been 18 and had met the 35 yr old Aslam, a widely acclaimed writer...long hair, black framed glasses, ragged jeans, the personification of all stereotypes. Even his black coffee had been so “adult” so “serious”. She had been enthralled but soon disillusion had set in. He spent hours locked inside his own mind, thinking… writing…creating and she was shut out. Many a mornings the empty coffee cups were the only indicators that Aslam had been home. Even his black coffee irritated her...it was so “pretentious!!” She had grown out of him. Looking at him now she wished…

The Color Green

2007-11-22T14:37:00.000-05:00

she asked “the color green..

to you what does it mean?”

ohh honey honey

it’s the color of money

freshly minted bills of green

spell success I said with a gleam

“oh do they?? she said

what about the weeping willows on our river bed?”

they are fine as they are

they don’t put food in my belly or gas in my car

I will have them cut and get the woods clean

And I will bring in bundles of a different green

“They have been here for many generation”

She said with a horrified expression

And they did what good?

Cut them down I definitely would

There’s only one color green my honey

And thats the color of money!!

Bhartiya Rail Ki General Bogi

2007-11-16T17:01:00.000-05:00

Bharitye rail ki general bogie

Apne jheli to zaroor hogi?

Ek din hamara bhi number aaya,

Jab general bogie ne humko bulaya

Chad gaye le kar hari ka naam-

Raksha karma hey bhagwan

Kisi ne maari kohni kisi ne dhakka lagaya

Finally bogie ke beecho beech khud ko paya

Wahan ka nazaara tha sabse alag

Lagta tha maano machhli bzaar ho ekdum sajag

Makhiyoon ki bhinbhinat si thi sabki awaaz

Bhinn bhinn the sur pahiyyon ka tha saaz

“abbey dikhta nahi kya” “bhrasth hai sarkar”

“saala kameena kahin ka” kahin thi baatein kahin takraar

WORDS....

2007-11-16T11:22:00.000-05:00

The words just hung there….cruel, hard and cold....like icicles. They stared at each other, two strangers married for 6 years. He couldn’t believe she had said the “D” word…neither could she....it had been reverberating in her mind for some time now but to actually have spoken it aloud!! She groped in her mind to grasp at the times when the words had been softer, when the feelings behind the words had been of love and not bitterness and anger. But those times seemed so elusive…they were there somewhere but hovering out of reach. If she could just reach out…touch them….she would wrap them around her…for warmth….for comfort….if only she could find them… maybe this nightmare would be over…

The Red Ball

2007-11-05T15:40:00.000-05:00

The Red Ball

Kisna was very happy today. It was the end of his 4 month long wait. His Baba had finally bought the shiny red big plastic ball. Bishan could not decide which was shinier..his son’s eyes or the ball!! They sparkled so..it filled him with such a sense of achievement..he had brought this sparkle to his son’s eyes after all. It hadn’t been easy for Bishan to buy that ball, it had cost a full Rs 25.

They lived under a bridge, on the footpath along a busy road. Kisna was born here and had seen all the fancy shiny cars whiz by, had grown seeing rich people riding in those cars. Sometimes the cars would stop at the traffic light and Kisna would run to them. Never to beg but to look inside, to get a glimpse of "their" world and with his child like sensibilities he had always known it was not meant for him.

So when his demand came it was all the more surprising. In all his 5 years Kisna had never once asked for anything from "their" world but now he wanted "the ball"..the red shiny big plastic ball he had seen in the long black car. If the kid inside could have it, he wanted it too, weren't all of us from the same God as amma always said?? He will eat only 1 roti the whole day..wont that save enough money to buy the ball?? Bishan was helpless in front of such innocent logic and such determination only a child can show.

He had gone to the store and was told the price...a full Rs25. He quickly calculated, from the odd jobs he and his wife could find they made about Rs 30-40 on good days and about Rs 10-15 on bad ones. Rs 15 went everyday to the local police guy for the space under the bridge. Or was he the local goon, well he could never tell the difference. On the good days they ate almost 3 times a day which left them with nothing or maybe a Rupee or two. Hmmmm this way he would never be able to buy that ball for Kisna!! He will have to find extra work and maybe all of them will have to forgo one meal...maybe then Kisna himself would give up his demand. That was a sound plan. So they worked harder, scrimped and saved and Kisna never gave up on his demand...he just got more obsessed with it.

It took Bishan 4 months to finally come up with Rs 25..his wife had been upset. Why buy a stupid ball when you can get a warm blanket??

But finally Kisna had his dream ball. "amma see how red it is" he was running around with it barely able to hold the ball in his small hands. "Baba look how it shines" "your eyes shine brighter Kissu". Kisna jumped with joy and finally decided to let the ball bounce on the dirty earth. How he squealed with delight. Seeing him so happy Parvati could no longer grudge the ball either. They looked and smiled at each other in parental bliss and turned towards their many chores.

All around them the world went on as as usual. Today the screaming honking cars did not bother Bishan so much. From the corner of his eye, around the streetlight pole he saw the ball bounce by. For a moment the world stood still and then it all became a blur. In a blink of an eye the big red ball was on the other side of the road and Kisna in the middle. And Bishan could not decide which was redder...the ball or his Kisna's body.

2007-11-05T15:29:00.000-05:00

WIND

The wind carries more than we can see

A little bit of this and a little bit of that

And it carries what makes you and me

Telling stories of men from the times gone by

Of great heroes, loves and wars

Of dying people yet a new born’s cry

It carries the many secrets of lovers

Whispered words of forbidden trysts

Gently caressing it flutters and hovers

It carries within it the wisdom of old

Passing in a rustle or in a deadly blast

It can be life’s warmth or death’s cold

The wind hides more than we can know

But with all this weight of the world it carries

I wonder how it ever manages to blow!!

KISS

2007-08-10T19:54:00.000-04:00

Waiting ….Agonising…Cracking

Dry parched lips…..

Gathering…..Darkening…Rolling

Hitting the land with a hiss

Melting….Embracing….Hugging

The earth-rain first kiss

Surrealism!! what the heck is it supposed to be????

2007-07-23T17:32:00.001-04:00

Hey diddle diddle,

The cat and the fiddle,
The cow jumped over the moon;
The little dog laughed to see such sport,
And the dish ran away with the spoon.

This was my first introduction to surreal writing. I did not know it as “surreal” then…I just knew I did not like it. Then I read Lear's The Story of the Four Little Children Who Went Round the World, it was full of sentences like "After a time they saw some land at a distance; and when they came to it, they found it was an island made of water quite surrounded by earth. so that it was perfectly beautiful, and contained only a single tree, 503 feet high." Pardon me but where is the humor in it?? Recently I re-read Lewis Carroll’s masterpiece “Alice in Wonderland” and “Through the Looking Glass” and believe me I tried but I still could not see the humor. I was told you have to have savoir faire, sophistication to appreciate such art. Well it has taken me years to attain enough of both to admit “I don’t like Alice in Wonderland”!! There I have said it!!!

TWISTED

2006-10-09T12:31:00.001-04:00

I simply had to stop. I glared at my friend happily walking/ running and envied his physique. What wouldn’t I give to have that level of fitness!! Well! Actually not much!! Who wants to be on a diet and run everyday YUKKKK. Sweat was pouring in my eyes and though I tried I could not admire the scenic vista around me..at least not while I was unelegantly trying to catch my breath!! I called out to my friend to stop and he reluctantly came back by my side. “I can’t go on…I am thirsty and by the looks so are you” I grumbled. “Yes” he said, giving me a wet kiss “don’t you have water?” “Water??!!” I almost screeched “who was in such a rush to run up the road without waiting for me to grab anything. We have no water, no food..nothing”

The road had looked so tempting from the quaint inn we were staying in. Not much more than a dirt path actually, winding its way between the tall and majestic Deodars. Turning and twisting in almost a serpentine fashion before disappearing behind a rise. The day was a perfect summer day, blue skies, a gentle breeze smelling of a thousand flowers, birds and butterflies, almost out of a Wordsworth poem minus the daffodils!! It had seemed a good idea to go exploring then, to see what lay behind this twisting road and without thinking my friend had just started off. Huh!! What do these guys care or even know?? They are so useless when it comes to matters of heart or hunger!!!

“Lets head back. This doesn’t seem to be going anywhere, just a stupid old road I guess” I said. But my friend apparently wanted to continus as he had already started walking ahead. “Allrrrrrrriiiiiiigght” I shouted “15 minuted and if this does not lead somewhere bbbbbbeeeeaaautiful and breathtaking we are going back” my friend nodded agreement. Thank God, I was saved from killing him…did he realise how close he had come to dying today?? I wondered.

I was just thinking of 101 wonderful ways of slowly killing him when I heard his gleeful shout. Following his voice I turned a corner and there it was…the most beautiful glen I had seen. It was quite shallow with rocks on both the sides. Infact, as I looked around I saw my friend had found a path leading all the way to the bottom and he was bent drinking water out of the running churning white water. “How beautiful” I gushed “isnt it beautiful, how peaceful, I can hear myself think” “yes it is” he said already busy looking at the various insects and butterflies around. The river was imitating the road in form…serpentine, twisting in and out of the boulders, running here and then quickly hiding behind a rock!! I was mesmerised by its foaming churning white water…’WOW’ I thought “it looks so pure...so frothy” “It looks like bloody foaming BEER” my empty stomach viciously growled “A milk shake” I corrected and my frined endorsed his agreement by a vigorous wag of his tail and happy yelp!!

It was time to head back and tend to more important matters of life and death….FOOD and DRINK!!!

Rain

2006-10-09T01:44:00.000-04:00

It was another cloudless blistering day

Is this the end then? In despair he wondered

There was no sign of any relief

He was tired, his spirit had long since surrendered

Two long dry arid years, two years of no rain

He looked at his 3 children and he saw their stcik like hands

He saw his haggard wife, their gaunt faces and sunken eyes

He saw their swollen bellies and he saw his drying lands

The debt was ever mounting with no scope of ever paying

“this is for the best, I am doing the best I can” he thought

The last 10 rupees he had borrowed, he sat in the corner

with the bottle of pesticide he had just bought

“Tomorrow morn with breakfast shall I give them”

He decided giving a last hug to his kids and wife

It was a tired defeated man who walked in the dark

And than sat alone in the field thinking about his life

Clutching the bottle of relaease to his chest he sat.

He prayed for courage, for relaese from this hell

He closed his eyes and thought of his dying kids

And it was on this thought the first drop fell

The clouds had creeped on him and were letting loose

He looked up at the darkened sky and let out a joyous cry

He could see his family running to him in the field

He stood up, a farmer who did not have to die!!

Jai Shankar Prasad: Kamayani: Lajja

2006-10-01T00:22:00.000-04:00

Kamayani depicts the interplay of human emotions, thoughts, and actions by taking mythological metaphors. Kamayani has personalities like Manu, Ida and Shraddha who are found in the Vedas. The great deluge described in the poem has its origin in Satapatha Brahmana.

इस अर्पण में कुछ और नहीं केवल उत्सर्ग छलकता है,
मैं दे दूँ और न फिर कुछ लूँ, इतना ही सरल झलकता है।
"क्या कहती हो ठहरो नारी! संकल्प-अश्रु जल से अपने -
तुम दान कर चुकी पहले ही जीवन के सोने-से सपने।
नारी! तुम केवल श्रद्धा हो विश्वास-रजत-नग पगतल में,
पीयूष-स्रोत बहा करो जीवन के सुंदर समतल में।
देवों की विजय, दानवों की हारों का होता युद्ध रहा,
संघर्ष सदा उर-अंतर में जीवित रह नित्य-विरुद्ध रहा।
आँसू से भींगे अंचल पर मन का सब कुछ रखना होगा -
तुमको अपनी स्मित रेखा से यह संधिपत्र लिखना होगा।"

FEAR

2006-09-30T23:40:00.000-04:00

It was staring me in my face
My greatest living fear
Suffocating, grinning, lunging
I wanted to run for life, my life so dear

I clenched my fists
My knuckles turning white
A scream lodged in my throat
My eyes were squeezed shut, tight

My body was stiff with terror
With sweat pouring in my eyes
Someone please help me
The room was full of my silent cries

My jaw was hanging open
A constant buzzing in my head
Give me strength O’God
Please don’t let me be dead

The Gods were busy that day
They handed me over to their heir
Who did absolutely nothing for me
As I suffered in my dentist’s chair